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Jaded Shaft: The Short Story

I know we all envisioned The Jaded Shaft as a movie, but maybe we should first come up with a short story that could be the inspiration for the movie. Sort of like Brokeback Mountain, but without the anal sex. Or, hey, maybe it could be that kind of movie. I give us full creative license to do whatever the hell we want to do.

After all, I don't write romance novels, according to certain uptight, undersexed, granny-panty-wearing Rita judges. So I can write any damn thing I want. And this is my blog, free of the rules of the romance genre. We can get down and dirty if we want to, and there aren't any disapproving Rita judges to purse their lips at us (or maybe there are, in which case, I'd just like to say: kiss my ass).

If you need a little refresher on The Jaded Shaft, please check out our previous discussion (you'll have to scroll almost to the bottom of the page to the Jaded Shaft entry).

So. We need to start brainstorming. Have we even figured out what or who The Jaded Shaft actually is? (I'm too lazy to go back and read those 130-something comments on the previous thread.) Talk amongst yourselves.


At 9:21 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Bethany, this means YOU, since you are the one who thought up the whole "let's write a Jaded Shaft story" idea.

Oh yeah, I know I said I'd get it started, but...do I really have to do any work here?

At 6:18 AM, Anonymous bethany said...

Okay here are 2 snippets from the previous conversation that had to do with something besides hot guys. Yeah, two, out of 138 comments.

Jaded Shaft's love interest... Are we operating on the assumption that Jaded Shaft is a person, or an archaological find? Or maybe his like a genie in a penis bottle. Rub the penis and he oozes out...

Since I lost track of the cast of the movie, and I think that our best idea was the salinger-esque telling with narration from the shaft's point of view by David Duchuvney,

At 7:31 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Bethany, the only reason you like that Salinger-esque idea is because it is yours. But okay, you get points for actually going back and looking at all those fucking comments.

And who said "genie in a penis bottle." Rub it and and he oozes out? That's BAD. (I hope I didn't say it...or maybe I hope I did...)

At 7:36 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Shall we take bets on who said "genie in a penis bottle?" I'm betting...Cindy.

At 8:22 AM, Anonymous melissa said...

Maybe I didn't read all of those comments because I don't remember the one about the genie, but that has bad porn flick written all over it. lol

I just keep picturing a walking, talking appendage, like one of those mascots in horribly hot costumes walking around outside fast food restaurants in the middle of summer... but instead of a hot dog... well, you get the idea. And obviously he hates women, because he is, after all, Jaded.

Does conversation get more intellectual than this?

At 8:23 AM, Anonymous melissa said...

Sorry Jamie, but "genie in a penis bottle" does sound like something you would say. :-)

At 8:32 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

If I wrote that genie thing, I must have been hitting the OTHER kind of bottle (Jack Daniels) when I did. It sounds a little over the top even for me...what? No? It doesn't?

At 8:34 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

And Melissa, The Jaded Shaft cannont be a giant plushy Oscar Meyer Weiner-like thing. Sorry. That's just WRONG. I'm so not into the plushy/furry brand of kink (Subservient Chicken aside).

At 8:37 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

And speaking of plushy/furry, Google it if you don't know what I'm talking about. I find it interesting that so many of the people into it seem to be Generation Y (AKA 20-somethings). Now as a mature girl of 31, I have something really good to point to and say, SEE, THIS is what's wrong with that younger generation.

At 8:38 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Oh, and Melissa...aren't you younger than me??? Have any furry cat suits hanging in your closet? Hmmm?

At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Cindy Procter-King said...

What you'll say to get me to post here!! I did NOT say that bit about the genie, LOL.


At 9:32 AM, Anonymous melissa said...

Okay, so I am 20-something, but I honestly know nothing about the furry brand of kink. Fur isn't the first thing that comes to mind when I think about hot and sexy...

It must be those in their EARLY 20s who have weird notions of kink. College can do that to a person.

At 10:07 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Damn it, the genie mystery continues...I might actually have to go read those damn archives.

At 10:09 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Melissa, what about a nice wolf costume? Could you do it with your husband dressed as any sort of canine?

(note how I see the deep end and dive right off of it? this is how to get your book marked "not a romance" in the Rita awards)

At 10:13 AM, Anonymous melissa said...


At 1:02 PM, Anonymous bethany said...

Oh Jamie, you so totally said that genie in the penis bottle thing.

At 2:39 PM, Anonymous melissa said...

Sounds like you're busted, Jamie. ;-) And for the record, nothing says a loving, committed, highly romantic couple can't get creative and wear a wolf suit in the sack (doesn't exactly turn me on, but hey, whatever floats your boat). So I'm still not buying that "not a romance" BS.

At 9:54 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Okay, notice how Bethany has been so mysteriously silent about the plushy/furry subject? Have a little confession to make, Bethany? Hmmmm? Is there, perhaps, an extra-tall goat suit hanging in your husband's closet?

(I thought goat because...well, remember that pagan guy who came and talked to that weird anthropology of religion class we took together in college? Am I dreaming here or did he put a goat mask on at some point during the lecture? And remember that other guy in class who looked like Jesus? Maybe that chick from Louisville who sang the "what if god was one of us" song knew that Jesus guy, and he was her inspiration... I know, I'm rambling.)

Anyway, back to my original point, which was...your silence is telling, Bethany. AND SO IS YOURS, CINDY! (you two are the only ones on the blog whom i know well enough to KNOW that your silence might be telling. Uh-huh.)

At 9:56 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

(Did that previous post distract from my embarrassing genie in a penis bottle debacle? Just a little bit?)

At 10:09 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Okay, okay, I'm busted.

At 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, my silence is VERY telling and that's all I've got to say.

Jamie, write the first paragraph of this damn short story already!

Jaded Shaft could be a hot, jaded cop. You know, like an upate of the old Shaft TV show. We could give him dreadlocks or something. Any other shaft references would follow from there.

And that's as far as I'm willing to speculate right now!

At 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oops, that was supposed to be from "Not Cindy."

At 12:23 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

shaft ( P ) Pronunciation Key (shft)

1. The long narrow stem or body of a spear or arrow.
A spear or arrow.

2. A projectile suggestive of a spear or arrow in appearance or configuration.

3. Informal. A scornfully satirical comment; a barb.

4. Slang. Harsh, unfair treatment. Often used with the: The president of the airline really gave the unions the shaft.

5. A ray or beam of light.

6. A long thin object or part, as:
The handle of any of various tools or implements.

7. One of two parallel poles between which an animal is harnessed to a vehicle.

8. A long, generally cylindrical bar that rotates and transmits power, as the drive shaft of an engine.

9. Zoology. The main axis of a feather, especially its distal portion.

10. Anatomy.
a. The midsection of a long bone; the diaphysis.
b. The section of a hair projecting from the surface of the body.

11. Architecture.
a. A column or obelisk.
b. The principal portion of a column, between the capital and the base.
c. A long, narrow, often vertical passage sunk into the earth, as for mining ore; a tunnel.
d. A vertical passage housing an elevator.
e. A duct or conduit for the passage of air, as for ventilation or heating.

This just doesn't help, does it?

At 12:24 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Should I even bother to look up jaded?

Don't answer that......

At 1:07 PM, Anonymous melissa said...

"A long, generally cylindrical bar that rotates and transmits power..."

I like this one. Seems appropriate, and sounds fun. LOL

At 1:13 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

"A long, generally cylindrical bar that rotates and transmits power..."

Funny, I noticed this one too.........

At 3:04 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Theresa, whoever wrote that list of definitions clearly doesn't read romance novels. They left out the single most important definition of 'shaft.' ;-)

I was going to copy and paste all the definitions of shaft from the only dictionary that matters. www.urbandictionary.com, but there are 15 definitions listed there, some of them pretty long, and there were too many good ones to narrow it down. So go to the site and search 'shaft.'

Can you dig it? (My phrase of the day after reading the John Shaft defition.)

At 10:26 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Jamie, I went to the urban dictionary,and you're right, it's much better. I copied the most sexual and basically offensive one's to print here. They would be the most appropriate, right?

1. A black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks.
2. A complicated man, no one understands him but his woman.
3. the penis (coarse slang)
4. a woman’s body (purely as sexual object) (US coarse slang). — vt to have sexual intercourse with (a woman)
5. A word that is usually followed by the phrase "Can you dig it?"
Shaft-"Can you dig it?"
6. To get screwed over.
I got shafted when I went to the mall to buy my clothes.
7. dick, or the ver "to fuck"
"i wanna show that girl my shaft (see "rambo dick") and shaft her in every orifice"
8. To have intercourse. Usually taken from the male perspective
Ya man...I gave that girl a good shaftin' last night
9. To move a object through a small hole.
Heh, i shafted my cock up tiffanys tight ass!
10. Suave black man who acts tough and macho, but in actuality, is a homosexual.
That John Shaft, he's actually gay.

At 11:08 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Why Theresa...offensive? Sexual? Here at the Naked Page? You must be mistaken! ;-)

(A few of those definitions even made ME blush...well, okay, not really, but it sounds good.)

At 11:10 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Okay, okay, I'm supposed to be coming up with like a first paragraph of our short story or something, right? But we can't even agree on anything like, um, what the story is about, or whatever.

I've changed my mind. I vote for Bethany to write us a first paragraph, since this whole thing was her idea in the first place.

At 11:51 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

I think the real question is can a story be written with the title "The Jaded Shaft." If all the intrepid romance writers can't come up with something, then what hope is there?

I could probably come up with a fantasy story, but it wouldn't have enough sexual elements to really be interesting to the.....um...home audience?

At 4:36 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Of COURSE it can be written! I'm just too lazy to try at the moment.

I'm probably the only one here who can't write anything but offensive stuff...everyone else is just showing up to see what dumbass thing I'll say next.

At 10:05 AM, Anonymous Theresa said...

I'm probably the only one here who can't write anything but offensive stuff...everyone else is just showing up to see what dumbass thing I'll say next.

I'm pretty sure I could be offensive if I worked at it. I'm just out of practice. You know, gotta watch the language around the kids and all. _sigh_ I'm no longer any fun to be around.

At 2:48 PM, Anonymous bethany said...

Okay- I haven't read all the previous posts, because lists of definitions make me feel groggy (just posted final grades) but sure, I'll write a paragraph. Now, um is my paragraph supposed to be offensive or not offensive? Let me know what is expected here. . .

At 4:10 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Sorry for all the definitions Bethany, I forgot it was the end of the school year.

I resort to the dictionary when I am stumped for ideas, as you can tell.

Ummm, I think the story is supposed to be mildly offensive, right?

At 9:19 AM, Anonymous Leslie said...

I thought Jaded Shaft was a well endowed Asian porn star from the 70s.

At 1:58 PM, Anonymous bethany said...

Okay is everybody ready? I wrote the opening to the jaded shaft story (insert drum roll, no not guitar solo, drum roll damn it! Okay, that's better) in mad lib form. If anybody can't remember what an adjective is please ask the English teacher. This mad lib also includes specifics like, um, body parts. I have emailed it to Jamie. Get ready. You may play as many times as you want. The funniest story will get a prize bestowed by Jamie. Although she does not yet know she will be bestowing a prize. And she could actually GET the prize.

At 9:29 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Ooooooooh, prizes are good. But what if Jamie does win?

At 11:00 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Leslie, I think you get the prize for coming up with the best interpretation of "jaded shaft."

At 11:02 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Bethany, you are brilliant. I will post your mad libs list in a few.

The prize can be a collection of autographed Jamie Sobrato novels. Woohooo. Now everyone's really clamoring to play, right?

At 11:52 AM, Anonymous bethany said...

Okay- after testing my madlibs I realized it was harder to craft funny ones than I expected. I'm working out a couple of kinks and I'll send over in a few minutes, in the meanwhile, somebody give me some good dirty romance story names.

Jamie- I am sure you are well qualified to pick dirty romance names. I always have serious name-block until I'm about 20 pages into a story, and this story isn't even a page, so . . .

At 11:54 AM, Anonymous bethany said...

Um, not that the names should be dirty- obviously my adjective dirty should modify the story, not um the names, or romance in general . . .

At 12:37 PM, Anonymous melissa said...

Are you talking about naming the characters? My college brother was making fun of me once and named my heroine "Velvet". Hmmm. lol

At 2:49 PM, Anonymous bethany said...

Hey, I know of a person named Velvet. that might be a good name for the Jaded Shaft story. And to answer your question- yes I need good trendy hero and heroine names. Right now they are named algebraically-characters A, B, and C.

At 11:46 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

I had a cat named Velvet. Other pet names include, Max, Sam, Fido (our bird), Fidette (the other bird), Lady Mercedes Spotiferd (we called her Spot for short), Sassy, Lucy, Savannah and Bogey.

I'm guessing none of those would make good names for a heroine.......

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