Jaded Shaft: The Mad Libs
Bethany has completed the fill-in-the-blanks for our little Mad Libs game. So now here's the deal: you have to read through them all (in the comments section of this entry) and then vote for the one you like best.
You can't vote for mine. Well, you can, just to kiss up to me, and I might send you a free book or treat you favorably here at the Naked Page by showering you with compliments, but in order for the contest to have a winner, it would be best if you vote for someone else's.
The person with the most votes will get their choice of any or all of my books, signed and mailed to them, including my upcoming July release. I will also strip naked and rub said books all over my body before mailing them, if that pleases the winner. No? No one wants me to do that? Well, I wasn't really going to do it anyway (yes I was).
All other Mad Libs participants will also get a signed copy of The Sex Quotient, my July book, just because I'm feeling all generous and stuff.
posted by Jamie Sobrato @ 7:20 PM
41 Comments:
Depraved Geese
Once upon a cow, the Jaded Shaft was a red blockbuster movie, and not a porn flick at all despite the depraved geese who were flocking to see it. These avid viewers could barely keep their dinks in their pants or bras (depending upon attire of choice) until the end of the movie, but overall audiences around the globe were well pleased and left the theater exclaiming, “Shit!”
This story begins with our holy heroine preparing for the date on which she plans to view the Jaded Shaft for the first time. . .
“Oh, Freaking flying horse hockies, Velvet said to her friend Polly-Esther. I forgot I have a blue date with the blarmy Roderick tonight.”
“I thought you broke up with Rod after the balls fiasco,” Polly said, trying on Velvet’s vest to see if it looked as red on her as it did on Velvet
“Yes, that was pretty messy, but nonetheless, Rod does know how to fast my butt just the way I like it. Plus he’s taking me to see this great new movie, The Jaded Shaft, staring the delicious Jude Law,” Velvet licked her lips and stretched her arm.
“The only problem with Rod is that he prudishly refuses to pleasure me in the 69 position while I wear only my rude top hat.”
“Yeah, it’s hard to get a guy to do that unless you sate his boob about 13 times,” Polly said.
“Tell me about it,” Velvet sighed.
2 hours later.
“Merry Christmas Rod! are you ready to see the Jaded Shaft?
“Ski the movie, I just want the throw you down right here and sled you like a fox!” Rod said. Velvet considered the dynamics of a quickie before the movie.
Sensing her hesitation (as she had neither stripped off her clothing, nor thrown herself passionately into his arms, Rod said, “Sweetie,, have I told you that you look horny tonight? I mean it, that ox tattoo really brings out your cheeks.” He smiled at her as hastily as he could, while playing with his dangling house.
“Hmmmm, “ Velvet said, considering how much time they had before the premiere.
Sensing her interest , Rod revealed his clean neck as seductively as he could while smiling and flexing his knee.
“Well we only have 60 minutes just enough time for you to run my crayon a few times. You know what I like?”
Rod colored his paper with glee at the prospect of getting into Velvet’s wet dry panties.
He sucked his ex-boyfriend with glee?
Once upon a Saltine, the Jaded Shaft was a stained blockbuster movie, and not a porn flick at all despite the depraved “diapers” who were flocking to see it. These avid viewers could barely keep their small intestines in their pants or pasties (depending upon attire of choice) until the end of the movie, but overall audiences around the globe were well pleased and left the theater exclaiming, “Shitty Shitty Bang Bang!
This story begins with our gelatinous heroine preparing for the date on which she plans to view the Jaded Shaft for the first time. . .
“Oh, Well blow me up and call me a balloon,“ Velvet said to her friend Polly-Esther. “I forgot I have a syrupy date with the whorish Roderick tonight.”
“I thought you broke up with Rod after the armpit fiasco,” Polly said, trying on Velvet’s gaucho pants to see if they looked as furry on her as they did on Velvet.
“Yes, that was pretty fuschia, but nonetheless, Rod does know how to yank my ass just the way I like it. Plus he’s taking me to see this great new movie, The Jaded Shaft, staring the delicious Jude Law, Velvet licked her lips and stretched her nostril.
“The only problem with Rod is that he prudishly refuses to pleasure me in the reverse cowgirl position while I wear only my buttery sock.”
“Yeah, it’s hard to get a guy to do that unless you cook his thumb five about million times.” Polly said
“Tell me about it,” Velvet sighed.
2 hours later.
“Hola Roderick, are you ready to see the Jaded Shaft?”
“Drive the movie, I just want the throw you down right here and puke you like a ferret!” Rod said. Velvet considered the dynamics of a quickie before the movie. Sensing her hesitation (as she had neither stripped off her clothing, nor thrown herself passionately into his arms) Rod said, “Love Nugget, have I told you that you look crispy tonight? I mean it, that vacuum tattoo really brings out your moustache. He smiled at her as delicately as he could, while playing with his dangling backyard.
“Hmmmm, “ Velvet said, considering how much time they had before the premiere.
Sensing her interest , Rod revealed his thick toenail as seductively as he could while smiling and flexing his palm.
“Well we only have 0.4 seconds just enough time for you to pump my carpet a few times. You know what I like?’
Rod sucked his ex-boyfriend with glee at the prospect of getting into Velvet’s carbonated oily panties.
murky brown panties
Once upon an octopus, the Jaded Shaft was a bloated blockbuster movie, and not a porn flick at all despite the depraved “condoms” who were flocking to see it. These avid viewers could barely keep their nipples in their pants or thongs (depending upon attire of choice) until the end of the movie, but overall audiences around the globe were well pleased and left the theater exclaiming, “Holy Cow!”
This story begins with our throbbing heroine preparing for the date on which she plans to view the Jaded Shaft for the first time. . .
“Oh, Crap,” Velvet said to her friend Polly-Esther. “I forgot I have a creamy date with the purple Roderick tonight.”
“I thought you broke up with Rod after the tongue fiasco,” Polly said, trying on Velvet’s socks to see if they looked as astounding on her as they did on Velvet.
“Yes, that was pretty beautiful, but nonetheless, Rod does know how to hump my ear just the way I like it. Plus he’s taking me to see this great new movie, The Jaded Shaft, staring the delicious Jude Law,” Velvet licked her lips and stretched her toe.
“The only problem with Rod is that he prudishly refuses to pleasure me doggy style while I wear only my sexy apron.”
“Yeah, it’s hard to get a guy to do that unless you flail his neck about one million times,” Polly said.
“Tell me about it,” Velvet sighed.
2 hours later.
“Howdy Rod, are you ready to see the Jaded Shaft?”
“Slink the movie, I just want the throw you down right here and crawl you like a beaver.” Rod said.
Velvet considered the dynamics of a quickie before the movie. Sensing her hesitation (as she had neither stripped off her clothing, nor thrown herself passionately into his arms) Rod said, “Honey pie, have I told you that you look slimy tonight? I mean it, that tool tattoo really brings out your beauty mark. He smiled at her as hornily as he could, while playing with his dangling snake.
“Hmmmm, “ Velvet said, considering how much time they had before the premiere.
Sensing her interest , Rod revealed his shiny sphinter as seductively as he could while smiling and flexing his nose.
“Well we only have a nanosecond just enough time for you to thrust my hamster a few times. You know what I like?”
Rod scurried his discharge with glee at the prospect of getting into Velvet's murky brown panties.
Pimply Jacket
Once upon a head, the jaded shaft was a bulbous blockbuster movie, and not a porn flick at all despite the depraved people who were flocking to see it. These avid viewers could barely keep their breasts in their pants or bandanas (depending upon attire of choice) until the end of the movie, but overall audiences around the globe were well pleased and left the theater exclaiming, “fuck!”.
This story begins with our great heroine preparing for the date on which she plans to view the Jaded Shaft for the first time. . .
“Oh, oh, my stars“ Velvet said to her friend Polly-Esther. I forgot I have a bright date with the yellow Roderick tonight.”
“I thought you broke up with Rod after the ass fiasco,” Polly said, trying on Velvet’s neck-tie to see if it looked as annoying on her as it did on Velvet.
“Yes, that was pretty breakable, but nonetheless, Rod does know how to slam my neck just the way I like it. Plus he’s taking me to see this great new movie, The Jaded Shaft, staring the delicious Jude Law,” Velvet licked her lips and stretched her eyes.
“The only problem with Rod is that he prudishly refuses to pleasure me doggie style while I wear only my pimply jacket.”
“Yeah, it’s hard to get a guy to do that unless you spin his vagina 69 times,” Polly said.
“Tell me about it,” Velvet sighed.
2 hours later.
“Hey baby, Rod are you ready to see the Jaded Shaft?”
“Plaster the movie, I just want the throw you down right here and violate you like a giraffe.” Rod said.
Velvet considered the dynamics of a quickie before the movie. Sensing her hesitation (as she had neither stripped off her clothing, nor thrown herself passionately into his arms) Rod said, “Honey Pie, have I told you that you look old tonight? I mean it, that chair tattoo really brings out your crooked teeth.” He smiled at her as beautifully as he could, while playing with his dangling handcuffs.
“Hmmmm, “ Velvet said, considering how much time they had before the premiere.
Sensing her interest , Rod revealed his hardened testicle as seductively as he could while smiling and flexing his hand.
“Well we only have 20 seconds just enough time for you to crawl my book a few times. You know what I like?”
Rod slid his piano with glee at the prospect of getting into Velvet’s purple slender panties.
Maybe you like a dog?
Once upon a Rock, the Jaded Shaft was a hot blockbuster movie, and not a porn flick at all despite the depraved “hands” who were flocking to see it. These avid viewers could barely keep their lips in their pants or panties(depending upon attire of choice) until the end of the movie, but overall audiences around the globe were well pleased and left the theater exclaiming, “Oh Yes!”
This story begins with our slow heroine preparing for the date on which she plans to view the Jaded Shaft for the first time. . .
“Oh, More, more, more!, Velvet said to her friend Polly-Esther. I forgot I have a smooth date with the rapid Roderick tonight.”
“I thought you broke up with Rod after the teeth fiasco, Polly said, trying on Velvet’s shirt to see if it looked as big on her as it did on Velvet.
“Yes, that was pretty soft, but nonetheless, Rod does know how to turn my cheek just the way I like it. Plus he’s taking me to see this great new movie, The Jaded Shaft, staring the delicious Jude Law, Velvet licked her lips and stretched her neck.
“The only problem with Rod is that he prudishly refuses to pleasure me against the wall while I wear only my slight Levi Jeans.”
“Yeah, it’s hard to get a guy to do that unless you should his mouth about 13 times.“ Polly said.
“Tell me about it,” Velvet sighed.
2 hours later.
“Hello Rod, are you ready to see the Jaded Shaft?”
“Were the movie, I just want the throw you down right here and Maybe you like a Dog.” Rod said.
Velvet considered the dynamics of a quickie before the movie. Sensing her hesitation (as she had neither stripped off her clothing, nor thrown herself passionately into his arms, Rod said, “Oh Baby, have I told you that you look long tonight? I mean it, that him tattoo really brings out your chiseled abs“. He smiled at her as slowly as he could, while playing with his dangling bedroom.
“Hmmmm, “ Velvet said, considering how much time they had before the premiere.
Sensing her interest , Rod revealed his fast fingers as seductively as he could while smiling and flexing his hand.
“Well we only have 2 hours just enough time for you to have my Mother a few times.
You know what I like?”
Rod is his they with glee at the prospect of getting into Velvet’s angry happy panties.
Gooey Loose Panties
Once upon an Aardvark, the Jaded Shaft was a murky blockbuster movie, and not a porn flick at all despite the depraved priests who were flocking to see it. These avid viewers could barely keep their navels in their pants or boxer briefs (depending upon attire of choice) until the end of the movie, but overall audiences around the globe were well pleased and left the theater exclaiming, “Kiss my Grits!”
This story begins with our loony heroine preparing for the date on which she plans to view the Jaded Shaft for the first time. . .
“Oh, oh momma!”, Velvet said to her friend Polly-Esther. “I forgot I have a near-sighted date with the blonde Roderick tonight.”
“I thought you broke up with Rod after the big toe fiasco, Polly said, trying on Velvet’s skort to see if it looked as brief on her as it did on Velvet.
“Yes, that was pretty breathy, but nonetheless, Rod does know how to squat my nose just the way I like it. Plus he’s taking me to see this great new movie, The Jaded Shaft, staring the delicious Jude Law, A licked her lips and stretched her adam‘s apple.
“The only problem with Rod is that he prudishly refuses to pleasure me in the spooning position while I wear only my hung over sari.”
“Yeah, it’s hard to get a guy to do that unless you roll his toe nail about 200 times,” Polly said.
“Tell me about it,” Velvet sighed.
2 hours later.
“Howdy Rod, are you ready to see the Jaded Shaft?”
“Conceive the movie, I just want the throw you down right here and shudder you like an antelope!” Rod said.
Velvet considered the dynamics of a quickie before the movie. Sensing her hesitation (as she had neither stripped off her clothing, nor thrown herself passionately into his arms, Rod said, “Ginger Snap, have I told you that you look gritty tonight? I mean it, that baseball hat really brings out your dimpled chin.” He smiled at her as dryly as he could, while playing with his dangling cactus.
“Hmmmm, “ Velvet said, considering how much time they had before the premiere.
Sensing her interest , Rod revealed his wet knuckle as seductively as he could while smiling and flexing his knee.
“Well we only have 3 hours just enough time for you to rub my mini-cooper a few times. You know what I like?”
Rod squashed his dinner table with glee at the prospect of getting into Velvet’s gooey loose panties.
Dangling Passion
Once upon a grace, the Jaded Shaft was a dark blockbuster movie, and not a porn flick at all despite the depraved “nightmares” who were flocking to see it. These avid viewers could barely keep their eyes in their pants or thongs (depending upon attire of choice) until the end of the movie, but overall audiences around the globe were well pleased and left the theater exclaiming, “Oh my god!”
This story begins with our sacred heroine preparing for the date on which she plans to view the Jaded Shaft for the first time. . .
“Oh, oh Yes!” Velvet said to her friend Polly-Esther. I forgot I have a profane date with the holy Rod tonight.”
“I thought you broke up with Roderick after the ass fiasco,” Polly said, trying on Velvet’s Wrangler Jeans to see if they looked as skin-tight on her as they did on Velvet.
“Yes, that was pretty unholy, but nonetheless, Rod does know how to pierce my hands just the way I like it. Plus he’s taking me to see this great new movie, The Jaded Shaft, staring the delicious Jude Law,” Velvet licked her lips and stretched her mouth.
“The only problem with Rod is that he prudishly refuses to pleasure me in the missionary position while I wear only my almighty boxers.”
“Yeah, it’s hard to get a guy to do that unless you throw his hips 7 times,” Polly said.
“Tell me about it,” Velvet sighed.
2 hours later.
“Good Evening Rod, are you ready to see the Jaded Shaft?”
“Enter the movie, I just want the throw you down right here and slide you like a dragon!” Rod said.
Velvet considered the dynamics of a quickie before the movie. Sensing her hesitation (as she had neither stripped off her clothing, nor thrown herself passionately into his arms) Rod said, “Sweetheart, have I told you that you look powerless tonight? I mean it, that dream sequence really brings out your ears.” He smiled at her as fitfully as he could, while playing with his dangling passion.
“Hmmmm, “ Velvet said, considering how much time they had before the premiere.
Sensing her interest , Rod revealed his fulfilled breasts as seductively as he could while smiling and flexing his cock.
“Well we only have 2 minutes just enough time for you to kiss my angel’s tears a few times. You know what I like?”
Rod dreamed his bed with glee at the prospect of getting into Velvet’s powerfull lustfull panties.
Okay- there are a few typos and a few inconsistant parts, but um, there they are.
Oh dear god, I'm crying!!! Will post more comments after I've gotten up off the floor and dried my eyes.
I was just going to say the same thing. I laughed and cried so hard I woke the baby up and hubby barked at me. Ha!
Excellent job, Naked Pagers. Bethany deserves kudos and a free book for writing that hilarious story. LOLOLOL
My favorite parts are the "ox tattoo really brings out your cheeks," the "armpit fiasco," and the "depraved priests."
Can't we just give Bethany the prize for writing such an excellent mad lib?
Yes, mega huge mondo thank yous to Bethany for writing the world's funniest mad libs story and putting all the time and effort into this.
Why weren't there mad libs like this when I was a kid? I might have actually liked doing them then. Maybe we could do a whole book of adult mad libs. Depraved ones, I mean.
And I should point out, that one story was supposed to read "shiny sphincter."
I vote for the "sucked his ex-boyfriend with glee" one, because that was such an accidentally brilliant line.
And I must say, Bethany, your story really captured the tone I'd envisioned for The Jaded Shaft. (I can dig it.)
Maybe we could do a whole book of adult mad libs. Depraved ones, I mean.
I sense a business opportunity in the making........
Jamie, I was happy with the way that phrase fell into place, too. LOL
I vote for pimply jacket (Lee?) because there were about three phrases in there that made me fall out of my chair.
~Melissa
I had tears rolling down my cheeks reading these, but I wasn't laughing so hard near the end because by then I'd gotten used to them. So I'm not voting. I think Bethany should win, though, for putting them all together.
cindy
Lee was so pleased to get a vote for his pimply jacket version of the story, although he went around talking in the Simpsons-comic-book-guy voice about how he was going to get the book that Jamie rubbed all over her body.
I agree with Cindy that some of the stories lose their pizazz after you've read so many- which is a shame because Tim's near the bottom was pretty funny- depraved priests and all.
If the only thing I messed up was sphincter, I guess I did pretty good. I apologize to all the shiny sphincters for misspelling that. Did I mispell it again? I have to say it isn't a word I use much.
Oh, and Jamie- the murky brown panties and the doggy style wearing the sexy apron- good stuff-good stuff.
Lee tells me quickie should be quicky. I don't know. Nor do I care. I told him he could suck his exboyfriend with glee, and that started a conversation about how much glee should be involved in sucking. See what kind of stuff Jamie's blog adds to my life?
The "depraved Priests" was actually mine, and I can't tell you how proud I am that it is. ;)
I also like that the girl im my story "flexed her adam's apple."
But I still think Bethany gets the prize.
okay-my apologies- I just saw that Tim's was full of religious words (but not priests) so I figured he was the product of a repressed religious upbringing, like me!
There were lines I liked in all of them, so I couldn't pick a winner, It was pretty funny that Cindy ended up with geese flocking to the movie, of all things, though we all know about those depraved priests who can't keep their navel's in their pants. By the way, I have a sari that my mom brought me back from Egypt, and if I ever tried to wear it, I can guarantee it would be hung-over.
I mostly consider it a big ass scarf that hands in my closet.
I have a sari story too. When I went to school in Japan, my homestay mother and a bunch of her friends thought it would be funny to dress me up in some sari's that one of the women brought back from India.
The sari's were really beautiful, but I think they really enjoyed dressing the tall foreign girl up. They also tried to dress me up in a Kimono that belonged to one the daughters, but I was too tall to wear it.
I think I had depraved geese. Depraved geese AND depraved priests? We ARE depraved.
cindy
Hmmph. Bethany: I went to Christian schools (and Bible college) all the way up and church all my life. (Didn't say ANYTHING about LIKING it!) But I read romances -- including our friend Jamie's -- and enjoy them immensely. I'm also into The Crow. :-) The majority of my words came from a song called "Catherine Blake" by a British doom metal group called My Dying Bride.
Hmmmph. Tim- I didn't say you were a religious fanatic. I said I could tell you had a religious upbringing like me- with that sort of a background you are simply more aware of religious imagery and stuff.
And I was right about that upbringing, wasn't I? hmmmph (that was a good hearted hmmph so don't take it wrong).
As was mine. :-) I actually was smiling as i read it. :-D Just setting the record straight. Sorry if you took it wrong. Forgive me, please. :-D Take care.
Since my mom reads this blog, let's don't speculate about MY upbringing based on the content of my mad lib story. Heh. Hi Mom.
No, please Jamie, tell us about the living room furniture you used to have. Reclining lawn chairs? Actually the minimalist look works for me, so I may go for lawn chairs, too. Then I could wipe globs of peanut butter off and just keep going. And just the fact that your mom reads this blog makes her pretty cool.
Hmmm. as I seem to be having some kind of computer addiction issues, Jamie you now need to post new and exciting things every 37 seconds so that I can continue to stare at my computer and not get anything done. Or 40 seconds. I could wait that long.
Sorry, I have been avoiding my blog. Life, you know. Shit happens. Since you need to keep busy, how about you figure out who won this mad libs contest thingy? Pretty please?
And everyone who participated and wants a copy of my July book, The Sex Quotient, email me your name and mailing address at jamie@jamiesobrato.com.
I don't need to keep busy if it means doing mental work. I want to be entertained.
Um, well Unfortunately there didn't appear to be a real winner-they were all good and none stood out as the best because there were good things about all of them, so, I don't know.
Send me my book.
Okay, so let's just say, anyone who participated can email me and tell me which book or books they want--one of them or all of them or anything in between--along with their mailing address. This will be the kinder, gentler contest, in which we are all winners. We are all SPECIAL.
Bethany, I assume you just want the new one, right? Or would you like duplicate copies of the ones you already have, soiled with my body oils and stuff?
Hmm, one of mine was left beside the bathtub and a towel was thrown on it, and something started growing on it. I could perhaps replace that one. .. though I didn't mean to cost you a fortune in postage, I know from ordering crap on ebay and sending out manuscripts how much postage can cost.
Oh, Lee can share my book. I'll email you when I figure out which of your books became a science experiment.
And someday perhaps we can have the next round of mad-libs, or someone else can try their hand at them. For now I'm resting my brain
Okay, I already emailed you my address and there's only one book I don't have besides TSQ--Once Upon a Seduction. (I know, how could I have passed up the one with the great cover?? I confess, I was in too-busy-to-read mode...)
You are too cool for doing this for us. Or is this a smooth way of self-promoting? LOL
Melissa: Both. :-) Of course, the only thing cooler than Jamie is ICE... and I don't mean VANILLA! :-D!
Bethany, I sure hope you're the writer who just posted with great agents news on the teen chicklit list, or I just really embarrassed myself over there.
Cindy
I will get my act together one day soon and actually mail everyone's prize books. Ahem. Really, I will!
Tim, your check will be included for saying I'm cool.
lol... ok. cool. :-D You're welcome. I only say it because it's the truth. :-D
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