#navbar-iframe { display: none !important;} The Naked Page: Part I: In Anticipation of the Jaded Shaft

The Naked Page

Author Jamie Sobrato's Diary

6.03.2006

Part I: In Anticipation of the Jaded Shaft

Bethany is approximately 4.2 times more brilliant than I, and she of course came up with the solution to our little Jaded Shaft story stalemate. Mad Libs! Okay, now, as a kid, I have to admit I found Mad Libs to be about as interesting as toe jam, but as a frustrated English major with a raunchy sense of humor, I can dig the charms of Bethany's list.

So here's the deal. You provide a list of words that match the list below. Be creative. Make them funny, or weird, or nasty, or sexy, or off the wall, or all of those, or none of those. Bethany will plug the words into the story, and then the fun begins. (Did I get that right?)

noun
adjective
plural noun
body part
article of clothing
exclamation
adjective
exclamation
adjective
adjective
body part
article of clothing
adjective
adjective
verb
body part
body part
sexual position
adjective
article of clothing.
verb
body part
number
greeting
verb
verb
animal
endearment
adjective
noun
body part or feature
adverb
noun
adjective
body part
body part
amount of time
verb
noun
verb
noun
adjective
adjective

36 Comments:

At 6:44 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

I forgot to address the issue of prizes for the person who produces the best list of words...It could be a complete collection of my books, but I'm not sure anyone would actually want to win that. Or if you already have some of my books I could send you the ones you don't have...

OR, the prize could be an advanced copy of The Sex Quotient, which isn't out yet but which I have like a zillion copies of jammed in my closet now. You could be the first to read it! Aside from my poor editor and copy editor, of course.

 
At 6:58 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Oh crap, I was in the middle of making my list and my internet connection screwed up and I lost it. Okay, will try again later. I'm unmotivated now.

 
At 10:04 PM, Anonymous Cindy Procter-King said...

Hmm, I know a critique partner who'd LOVE a copy of TSQ...

I don't know how to play mad libs. I think I've played it once, but I can't remember how. So I'm guessing it's kind of like going to the psychiatrist and I'm supposed to type the first word that comes to mind? If I'm wrong, it's your fault for not explaining things more thoroughly.

noun - cow

adjective - red

plural noun - geese

body part - dink. LOL, sorry, I thought of the kid word first.

article of clothing - bra

exclamation - Shit!

adjective - Holy!

exclamation - Freaking Flying Horse Hockies!

adjective - blue

adjective - blarmy

body part - balls

article of clothing - net, but that's not an article of clothing. Um, vest.

adjective - red

adjective - I want to say bed, but that's not an adjective. Messy, that's an adjective.

verb - fast

body part - butt

body part - arm

sexual position - 69

adjective - rude

article of clothing. - top hat

verb - insatiable

body part - boob

number - 13

greeting - Merry Christmas!

verb - skiing

verb - sledding

animal - fox

endearment - sweetie

adjective - horny

noun - ox

body part or feature - cheeks

adverb - hastily

noun - house

adjective - clean

body part - neck

body part - knee

amount of time - 60 minutes

verb - ran

noun - crayon

verb - color

noun - paper

adjective - wet

adjective - dry

God, that was fun!

Not Cindy
Posted anonymously so the spiders don't post my name on google.

 
At 10:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, crap, my anonymous posting didn't work!

Quick, Jamie, make me anonymous.

It worked when I previewed, but not when I published.

Crap.

C

 
At 12:54 PM, Anonymous melissa said...

Noun – saltine
adjective – stained
plural noun - diapers
body part – small intestine
article of clothing - pasties
exclamation – Shitty Shitty Bang Bang!
adjective - gelatinous
exclamation – Well, blow me and call me a balloon!
adjective - syrupy
adjective - whorish
body part – armpit
article of clothing – gaucho pants
adjective - furry
adjective - fuchsia
verb - yank
body part - ass
body part - nostril
sexual position – reverse cowgirl
adjective - buttery
article of clothing - sock
verb - cook
body part - thumb
number – five million
greeting - Hola
verb - drive
verb - puke
animal - ferret
endearment – love nugget
adjective - crispy
noun - vacuum
body part or feature - moustache
adverb - delicately
noun – backyard
adjective - thick
body part - toenail
body part - palm
amount of time – 0.4 seconds
verb - pump
noun - carpet
verb - suck
noun – ex-boyfriend
adjective - carbonated
adjective - oily

Man, that *was* fun. I feel thirteen again...

And I can't wait to read this piece of work. LOL!

 
At 9:15 AM, Blogger Tim said...

My List: COMING SOON. ;-D

 
At 1:38 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

After reading Melissa's list I need time to think. I can't be that funny without considerable effort.

 
At 2:13 PM, Anonymous bethany said...

4.2 times as brilliant as you? As I recall, you were the recipient of our high school's English Award, weren't you? If I were truly brilliant I would have totally won the high school English Award, and that would have been the apex of my life. . . .

We've got some good lists going here, I may just have to plug them into the story and see what we come up with . . . just for my own personal amusement, we'll keep the contest going until Jamie says to stop. She is the boss around here.

 
At 2:15 PM, Anonymous bethany said...

Oh, speaking of bosses ( or mothers), where has the instigator of the Jaded Shaft, the genius who first mentioned this lovely phrase, been? Sherry I'm talking about you?

 
At 3:12 PM, Anonymous Sherry said...

Hiding in the shadows...watching with much humor!

 
At 3:42 PM, Anonymous Sherry said...

Wondering why he ever put his jaded shaft in her lotus blossum?

Rocks
Hot
Hands
Lips
Panties
Oh, yes!
Slow
More, more, more!
Smooth
Rapid
Teeth
Shirt
Big
Soft
Turned
Cheek
Neck
Against the Wall
Slightly
Levi Jeans
Should
Mouth
13
Hello
Were
Maybe
Dog
Oh, baby!
Long
Him
Chiseled abs
Slowly
Bedroom
Fast
Fingers
Hand
2 hours
Have
Mother
Is
They
Angry
Happy

 
At 4:41 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

aardvark
murky
priests
navel
boxer briefs
Kiss my grits!
loony
Oh mama!
nearsighted
blond
big toe
skort
brief
breathy
squat
nose
adam's apple
spooning
hung over
sari
roll
toe nail
200
Howdy
concieve
shudder
antelope
my ginger snap
gritty
baseball bat
dimpled chin
dryly
cactus
wet
knuckle
knee
3 hours
rub
mini cooper
squash
dinner table
gooey
loose

 
At 8:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, I thought the idea was to write down the FIRST word that came to mind. That's why my list is so crappy.

Cindy

 
At 11:22 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

You never know Cindy, yours might end up being the funniest when put into the story. Maybe the over-the-top stuff isn't as good when put into context.

 
At 8:26 AM, Blogger stephhale said...

Hi Jamie~

I'm one of Bethany's critique partners! I'm looking forward to meeting you at Nationals. I love this Mad Libs thingy and if I wasn't so damn lazy I'd make a list. :)

 
At 8:53 AM, Blogger Tim said...

grave
dark
nightmare
eyes
thong
Oh my GOD!
sacred
Oh YES!
profane
holy
ass
Wrangler jeans
skin-tight
unholy
pierce
hands
mouth
missionary position
almighty
boxers
throw
hips
7
Good evening!
enter
slide
dragon
sweetheart
powerless
dream sequence
ears
fitfully
passion
fulfilled
breasts
cock
2 minutes
kissing
angels’ tears
dreaming
bed
powerful
lustful

 
At 8:54 AM, Blogger Tim said...

My list has now been added. :)

 
At 8:27 PM, Anonymous melissa said...

LOL Sorry, Cindy. I spent about 30 minutes on mine. I was just thinking a copy of TSQ would be mega-sweet. And I was bored. :-)

 
At 11:11 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Coming Soon? Tim, you are NASTY.

Ahem. :-) Just the way I like my men.

 
At 11:12 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Hi Steph! Looking foward to meeting you too. I will have to start a Who's Attending National Roll Call list soon, so we Naked Page people can be sure to hook up.

 
At 11:14 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Jaded Shaft, lotus flower...Mom, I dunno what kinda books you've been reading, but, um, just sell them on Ebay and don't send them to me. ;-)

 
At 11:18 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Bethany, winning our high school's English award may indeed have been the pinnacle of my sad little life...at least you have much more impressive acheivements to look forward to.

 
At 6:50 AM, Anonymous bethany said...

Ahh, yes Jamie, the high school english award must have eclipsed getting an agent, winning a golden heart, finaling in the ritas, holding your first book, your second book, your third book (shall I continue?)

I was just saying that with a little more validation of my "genius-ness" I might have decided to wander around writing obscure literary pieces and complaining that nobody "gets" me, rather than whatever it is I'm doing now.

 
At 1:18 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Bethany, if I saved you from a life of writing obscure literary fiction by snatching the Bullitt Central High English Award from your deserving hands, then I think I did you a favor...because what you're writing now is really very good, both smart AND accessible to people who don't have their heads up their own asses.

 
At 4:38 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

noun - octopus
adjective - bloated
plural noun - condoms
body part - nipple
article of clothing - thong
exclamation - Holy Cow
adjective - throbbing
exclamation - Crap
adjective - creamy
adjective - purple
body part - tongue
article of clothing - sock
adjective - astounding
adjective - beautiful
verb - hump
body part - ear
body part - toe
sexual position - doggy style
adjective - sexy
article of clothing - apron
verb - flail
body part - neck
number - one million
greeting - Howdy
verb - slink
verb - crawl
animal - beaver
endearment - honey pie
adjective - slimey
noun - tool
body part or feature - beauty mark
adverb - hornily
noun - snake
adjective - shiny
body part - sphincter
body part - nose
amount of time - a nanosecond
verb - thrust
noun - hamster
verb - scurry
noun - discharge
adjective - murky
adjective - brown

Okay, so my mind is in the gutter, and I have not matured past the age of 14. We knew that already, didn't we?

 
At 6:28 PM, Anonymous bethany said...

Okay, this is Lee's list. I had to promise to help him make deviled eggs for his family reunion, and it took him 5 minutes to think of every word, and I don't know where the hell, Oh, my stars came from. I've never heard him exclaim that.

Noun head
adjective bulbous
plural noun people
body part breast
article of clothing bandana
exclamation fuck!
Adjective great
exclamation Oh, my stars
adjective bright
adjective yellow
body part ass
article of clothing neck-tie
adjective annoying
adjective breakable
verb slammed
body part neck
body part eyes
sexual position doggie-style
adjective pimply
article of clothing. jacket
verb spin
body part vagina
number 69
greeting Hey, Baby
verb plaster
verb violate
animal giraffe
endearment honey pie
adjective old
noun chair
body part or feature crooked teeth
adverb beautifully
noun handcuffs
adjective hardened
body part testicle
body part hand
amount of time 20 seconds
verb crawl
noun book
verb slid
noun piano
adjective purple
adjective slender

 
At 6:30 PM, Anonymous bethany said...

I will now work on putting the word lists into the stories. I copied and pasted them, and it came up to 13 pages on my word processing program, then I deleted all the pictures of Jamie and it was only 3 pages.

 
At 7:56 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

You deleted the only stuff that mattered!

 
At 8:30 AM, Anonymous Leslie said...

I'm an angry liberal but I don't see the connection between this and all these words.

 
At 9:56 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Okay, I'm slow, Leslie. It took me about five reads to catch your joke. :-)

 
At 9:56 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Bethany, I can start a new entry for the completed Mad Libs.

 
At 1:14 PM, Anonymous bethany said...

Okay- why don't you start a new entry- explain what we did and how we're gonna pick the winner???? voting, the one that makes the most people laugh out loud? the dirtiest story?

I'll cut and paste each person's as a separate comment and let everybody know when they are all posted so voting, commenting, or whatever can commence. In fact I'll work on this more now. I've done the ones at the beginning- Cindy and Melissa, the ones at the end- but not the three in the middle. I'm not going to put the names on them, but obviously if you want you can come back to this thread and look them up!

 
At 1:23 PM, Anonymous bethany said...

Things that don't and shouldn't dangle

Oh, and somebody tell Cindy that insatiable is not a verb. So I made it sate. Also she put fast as a verb- as in not eating? it sounds a little weird though.

If I were to do this again I would be more specific about certain ones- like things that dangle. We have some things dangling that don't like houses. But some people's nouns ended up being dangling things so that worked out okay.

Oh, and if anybody wants a different actor than Jude Law to star in their Jaded Shaft the movie, they'd better let me know quick what actor they want. . .

 
At 7:31 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

I want The Rock to be the Jaded Shaft star. I mean, I'm kind of picturing JS as a lot like that character The Rock played in Be Cool. The gay bodyguard, I mean.

 
At 12:21 AM, Anonymous Leslie said...

OMG, that means the Jaded Shaft did a gay hillbilly ho down video. It was in the special features of the "Be Cool" DVD.

 
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