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The Naked Page

Author Jamie Sobrato's Diary


Sex Food

I'm ashamed of my lack of blog updating. The weekend trip to San Francisco put me in a tailspin. Busyness, sick kids, then sick me, and now I'm thrust back into real life with many deadlines hanging overhead and a husband out of town. Bleh!

But Thanksgiving dinner made me think about how certain foods are sexy. I know, I'm a total perve. It's supposed to be all about family and giving thanks, and I'm thinking about how oyster stuffing turns me on.

Why is that? I mean, sure, eating is a sensual experience, and sex is a sensual experience, but only some people respond to food the way I'm thinking of. Remember that episode of Seinfeld when George became obsessed with the idea of having sex while eating? I recall a sex scene involving a sub sandwhich. Okay, that's not sexy, I know.

But still, the point remains. To me, oysters, especially fried ones, are really sexy. They're even one of those foods rumored to be an aphrodesiac. I personally think any food you can eat with your fingers can be sexy, simply because you can feed it to another person, lick your fingers, lick their fingers, etc.

Am I alone here in all these food equals sex thoughts? What foods do you think are sexy? Or does eating seem about as sexy to you as picking hairs out of your teeth?


At 12:20 AM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Sorry, but oysters are basically ewwwwwwwwwwww food to me. I'm more the champagne, strawberries and chocolate type.

But really, and good meal with a couple glasses of wine and a night without the kids will get me in a good mood. My husband is a smart man and knows this.

Oh, and I am a sucker for an apple martini. Ok, two martini's.

At 1:23 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

This is how I know that Cindy's right--I have no class. Because wine and champagne just make me sick. I get horrible headaches and just want to go to sleep. Totally unromantic. But give me some really good beer or whiskey... Side effect of being a Kentucky girl, I guess.

I have never been able to gracefully eat a chocolate covered strawberry. The chocolate either collapses and ends up on my face or teeth or falls off, and then the strawberry gets stuck in my teeth, and, and--I'm lost with the traditional romance foods.

Another thing, eating a whole meal makes me feel completely unromantic. It's like trying to eat before a marathon, LOL. I just have to eat a few bites of something, let the flavors do their thing, and I'm all set.

I have a lot of hang-ups, I know!

At 1:25 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

I bet Cindy is going to post something really weird, like that she thinks corn on the cob is romantic, that she loves the sensation of corn stuck in her teeth, LOL.

And Melissa is pregnant, so I won't even venture to guess what she will consider a romance food.

At 1:36 PM, Anonymous melissa said...

At the moment, it would be two, count 'em TWO, Arby's roast beef sandwiches dripping with Arby sauce. Mmm mmm GOOD! LOL

Normally I'm in total agreement with Theresa. Wine, champagne, chocolate (strawberry or not)... and DEFINITELY a good meal and a night without toddlers! I think that would put anyone in the mood. :-)

At 3:05 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Food without kids is definately the ticket. If I don't have to cut anything up for anyone else, I'm in a good mood.

Melissa's right though, you don't need the strawberries, the chocolate alone is just fine. I used to really be into the champagne, but now I'm all about the girly martini's.

Now I know why you're so skinny Jamie. You have so many food hang-up's. How do I get me some of those?

At 7:50 PM, Anonymous Cindy Procter-King said...

I gotta tell you, Jamie, I agree with you on the wine and champagne. I'm not a wine girl. I can handle white wine, but that's it. Beer is no problem. I'm a backwoods B.C. girl. Whiskey...used to be no problem. Haven't been able to drink it since 16. In fact, the only hard licquor I can really drink anymore is vodka.... Not sure what this says about my adolescence.

And I don't think corn on the cob is romantic, LOL! The things you'll say to get me to post!

At 7:55 PM, Anonymous Demented Sidekick said...

I can't think of any food I'd want to eat before *getting* romantic. It's not about food for me. It's even less about booze. That makes me *think* I'm romantic, but the payoff...not so good.


At 7:56 PM, Anonymous Cindy Procter-King said...

How do you spell liquor? Is that it?

I figure you'll know, Jamie.


At 11:19 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Sorry, with two kids, I need all the help I can get when it comes to "feeling" romantic.

My husband is also one of those guys with octopus blood in his veins-- I suspect you all know the type. A martini really helps occasionally.

Is it bad to admit that?

At 7:18 AM, Anonymous Bethany said...

Hey Jamie,

I'm about to hijack your blog because I don't have an opinion about food and sex right now, but my burning sex question is(I said burning sex question!), what color should I paint my bedroom? Planning to get an all new sexy? bedroom look as soon as I move the bedside co-sleeper out.


At 7:24 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Bethany, I hate to break the news, but it might be difficult to acheive a truly sexy bedroom aura with breastmilk stains on the mattress.

I'm kidding, kidding... I guess tha depends on what color turns you on. I of course think red is sexy, and oh let's see can you tell from my website that I love red and orange together, and red and hot pink together? I just think those are really funky fun color combos that also scream sex.

BUT, you really strike me as more of a green kind of girl. Or maybe a sultry shade of purple. Like something in the lilac family? As far as greens, something kind of like a light grassy green? I'll send you a photo if I can find any.

Your bedroom doesn't get a lot of light, so you either have to like a cave-like feel to go with a dark color, or go with a light color to acheive a lighter feeling. Right? I'm just talking out my ass here.

What about a burnt orange color?

My bedroom color scheme--okay my whole freaking house almost--is dominated by dark red. I should probably get a little more variety in there next time.

Go to Lowes and stare at the paint chips until you find the color that makes you want to take you clothes off!

At 7:26 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Theresa, what the hell does "octopus blood in his veins" mean? My brain is running off in all sorts of nasty directions.

At 7:26 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Cindy, I knew you were trashy like me! I KNKEW it!

At 7:27 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Melissa, while Arby's does not turn me on, per se, I agree with you their sandwiches are yummy. That's probably my favorite fast food. Sadly not much Arby's in California, which is probably good news for the size of my butt.

At 7:28 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Yes, Cindy, you spelled liquor the right way. It must really suck sometimes to be Canadian...

I'm joking! You know I love Canadians.

At 7:30 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

demented sidekick, thinking you're romantic is almost as good as actually being romantic. Well, unless it involves a lot of drooling and slurring your dirty talk.

At 7:32 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Theresa, you get food hang-ups by having hang-ups about EVERYTHING. So if you can live with that, I'll help introduce some really good hang-ups into your life. Heh.

At 7:34 AM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Octopus blood refers to the fact that my husband is ALL HANDS!!!

As far as hang up's go, if it helps me lose 10 pounds........bring 'em on!

At 7:53 AM, Anonymous Bethany said...

My bedroom isn't just dark, it's dreary. And we ARE getting new mattresses thank you very much!

Here's my second bedroom question, do you think some kind of wall mountable shackle system will keep my mom from just walking in there to look at my earrings?

Still no thoughts on food and sex, but I did get confused the other day and though I meant to order a 6 oz sirloin I ordered a six inch sirloin. Waiter and husband laughed for like 20 minutes. I was mortified.

At 8:21 AM, Anonymous melissa said...

OMG I hate to interrupt the bedroom paint convo, but that six-inch sirloin story is cracking me up. :-P Personally, I would have crawled under the table... unless the waiter was hot. Then I might have enjoyed it. LOL

I painted my bedroom dark red for purposes of mood and passion, etc etc (we were newlyweds, had just bought the house, were feeling highly sexy :-), and it worked--until we had a baby. There just isn't any color on the planet that can repair the mood when a small child starts screaming at just the wrong time! LOL Good luck!

At 8:36 AM, Anonymous bethany said...

The waiter was a tall attractive black man whose crotch was right at the same height as the table. Somehow that makes it even worse. Every time he brought us something I had to pretend to be helping one of my little ones because I didn't really want to look him in the face and I also did not want to look, well . . .

At 9:07 AM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Oh, the 6 inch sirloin story is HILARIOUS.

I have to say, red in the bedroom wouldn't work for me. I think it can also be an angry color. It might rev up the sex once in a while, but it also might stimulate aggression in a bad way IMO.

I like softer colors that set a mood. I like the idea of lilac, very relaxing and romantic.

You could always bring in red roses for a touch of red if you want it, or maybe go unorthadox and use a soft yellow or gold and accent with red. That way the red is still there, but not overdone.

At 9:30 AM, Anonymous Cindy Procter-King said...


Try to imagine teenagers storming in to the bedroom to tell you they're home and safe after driving around on icy roads. Believe me, toddlers are a huge turn-on compared to teenagers in the house--you REALLY don't want them to hear you. It's just weird.


At 10:13 AM, Anonymous melissa said...

Cindy, I was thinking about that the other day--I mean, at least now if my two-year-old walks in he doesn't know what's going on. Now an older child on the other hand.... definitely worse. Hopefully by then I'll have a big house with the teenager rooms on a separate floor! (And let's not even discuss the thought of what *they* might be doing in their own personal lives....*shiver*)

At 10:27 AM, Anonymous Cindy Procter-King said...

Let's just say you should really look forward to when they're in elementary school...


At 10:29 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

6 inch sirloin! I'm dying here! And having his crotch right at table level makes it so much better. I'm thinking this should be our next blog topic; 6 inch sirloins and other freudian fuck-ups.

At 10:31 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

There's just nothing sexy about kids, period. I love what I remember reading once is the whole French attitude toward pregnancy and childbirth, that it's just something to endure until you can get finished with it and start having good sex again.

At 10:34 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

I have one room that is pale lilac and it is an amazing color to have on the walls. Very relaxing, but it makes me want to daydream or go to sleep, not, um, so much get romantic. Well, okay, it's the BABY's room.

I also have a room that's a medium shade of lavendar (like a dusty bluish/grayish purple), with burgundy accents in the curtains, chairs, etc, and also some dark purple pillows, and that is actually a VERY cool color combination that I only stumbled on by accident.

Theresa, red is the exact color of my personality, I think. And I am angry a lot, LOL.

At 10:37 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Bethany, you should definitely put some shackles on the walls. And instead of accent pillows, use whips and chains strewn across the bed. Also, set up a display cabinet of really bizarre sex toys. I bet your mom will stay out then. Or, knowing your mom, she might just kind of absent-mindedly ask if she can borrow...ew, no, forget I said that.

At 10:42 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Theresa, the best quirks and hang-ups for weight loss are:

--be too lazy to cook any of the foods you really like, so you just end up having coffee for your meals instead (I know, I know, you don't like coffee...learn to like it!).

--get grossed out by the chemical flavors in processed foods

--never want to eat any meat that you've seen raw

--get really obsessed with certain textures and food temperatures that are hard to achieve, so that you just end up having coffee or a diet coke instead

--learn to like the nasty taste of Diet Coke

--decide that the whole food pyramid thing is really just a conspiracy, and that people really don't need to eat from every food group. Maybe not any of them!

(not nutritional advice)

At 10:44 AM, Anonymous melissa said...

Cindy, sounds like you might have a story about elementary school....
Jamie, my guest bathroom is lavender with dark purple accents. I'd always wanted a room that color, but hubby wouldn't go for a purple bedroom. Apparently it isn't manly enough.

At 10:47 AM, Anonymous Theresa said...

I already like diet coke. The rest, I don't know.

I could easily be too lazy to cook, but the rest of the family might object. If I could con my husband into cooking a couple of days a week that would help, he's not that good a cook.

I can be obsessive about food texture, but if it's junk food, I like it fine. It's the veggies that can gag me. Not good for a weight loss plan.

Sheesh, I like food too much. I'm lucky I'm only 10lbs up from my pre-baby weight.

I'm not good at starving either. I get the hunger pangs and I turn into a big wuss.

At 12:20 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

What is it about guys and resistance to purple bedrooms? I made the office purple instead. Heh. Of course it's the room the husband ended up using all the time and I sit in my bordello-esque living room instead to work.

At 12:22 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Theresa, I'm not a complete ogre, LOL--I do cook for my family! I just often don't make things I like, because they like different foods than I do. I do cook a lot of pasta though and I eat dinner when I make that.

I got such strong pregnancy hunger pains (and gained 60 lbs because of them!) that the normal ones I get now seem almost pleasant by comparison.

At 12:40 PM, Anonymous melissa said...

You're scaring me now, considering we both have dark red bedrooms and an affinity for purple--I also gained 60 lbs with my last pregnancy. :-O At least it all came off and I hope it does again, because I see the pattern repeating itself.. (probably too many Arby's sandwiches)

Oh, and thank heaven for the Girl Talk Gift Guide. Hubby just surprised me with an Alphasmart Dana! (Don't know if he actually looked at the gift guide though.. it could have been all the hints I dropped and links I sent..)

At 12:42 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Jamie, no offense, but I hate people like you!

I gained 40 the first pregnancy and 35 the second and still struggle to get all the weight off. How do people like you get 60lbs off? I exercise like a maniac, but I am so bad about sticking to a diet.

Not to get all psycho babbleish, but I think I'm afraid to diet (seriously). My hormones were so screwed up after the first pregnancy that I couldn't lose no matter what. I was exercising 2 hours a day and not eating much and still no weight would come off. I went to doctor after doctor and because I wasn't strictly speaking overweight, they wouldn't help me. My chiropractor was the first to take me seriously, and it wasn't until we tested my hormones we realized what an uphill battle I was fighting.

After using natural progesterone, I was able to lose some weight, but not all of it. Now I'm almost afraid to try dieting because of the years of agony I went through before. I've kind of accepted the extra weight just to avoid further trauma.

Probably more than you wanted to know, but it's kind of an obsession with me. Can you tell?

At 1:13 PM, Anonymous Cindy Procter-King said...


Elementary-school-aged kids don't run you as ragged as toddlers and they don't know as much as they think they do about the bedroom...so if they walk in, it's pretty easy to fix.

At 1:17 PM, Anonymous Cindy Procter-King said...


My younger sister is like Jamie, tall(er than me) and naturally slim. She gained 50 pounds with each of her two pregnancies, and it just melted off. It ain't fair! My niece did the same with her two pregnancies--similar height and build.

It's not Jamie's fault she's not human. We must forgive her. I assure you, she eats like a pig in my presence.


At 1:43 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Cindy, stop starting rumors about me! WHEN have you seen me eat like a pig? Hmmmmmmmm?

Theresa, I'm sorry about the hormone problems. That really sucks. I did starve my ass off to get rid of the pregnancy weight. I usually ate really tiny dinners--like barely enough for a picky toddler--and always tried to go to bed hungry. Not fun.

At 1:44 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Melissa, maybe you are my benevolent twin (I'm the evil one, heh)! Congratulations on the Dana. Doesn't it have the best keyboard ever?

At 2:44 PM, Anonymous Bethany said...

I've seen you eat like a pig many times. Think Tumbleweed con queso

At 2:49 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

And she can eat like a pig?

No fair no fair no fair!

At 2:55 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Okay, Bethany knows my deepest darkest secrets. Or at least a couple of them. Like that I am a total pig when it comes to Tex Mex food, and especially chile con queso. And also that I have an unnatural fondness for certain fast food establishments.

But she's known me since 10th grade! I've changed! My metabolism has slowed! A lot! I eat chile con queso maybe once a year! And I don't live anywhere near any good fast food!

At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

I had the best metabolism befpre I had kids. I could literally jog two miles and lose 10 pounds. Now I can jog 10 miles and lose nothing. Arrrrrrrg. Drives me nuts. I'm complaining too much really to be honest. I'm almost 5'10" so I get away with a lot. But I liked my skinny self, and I want that body back!

At 3:29 PM, Anonymous bethany said...

I concede that knowing your family you probably work very hard not to gain weight, however we won't complain about genetics, when I still hear guys we both used to know piss off their significant others by saying ooooh Jamie, she was so hot. (Was because they haven't seen you in years not because you are no longer hot, not that I think you are hot- maybe I'm jealous, how come I never get to be the hot one?)

I'm seriously considering painting the bedroom purple. Since I doubt any of the paint chips will make me want to take off my clothes I'll probably start with bedspreads and base the room around that. My walmart bedspread does not make anyone want to take their clothes off, and my down comforter smells vaguely like feet even though I had it dry cleaned.

At 3:35 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

I've changed! My metabolism has slowed! A lot! I eat chile con queso maybe once a year! And I don't live anywhere near any good fast food! I must bow down to your superior restraint. I eat pretty much whatever I want to, and really 10lbs isn't too high a price to pay. I just can't seem to give up eating for pleasure. I do avoid drinking too much though, that's causes my weight to spike every time.

At 5:14 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Bethany, speaking of bed ensembles, Target last time I was there had these stunningly gorgeous silk bedding sets. Totally not what I would expect to see at Target. They were very designer looking or something. There was one I almost bought in orange, but they also came in a few other shades. What stopped me was that the silk was so delicate I was afraid my kids would snag it with some stupid toy.

We have a Turkish blanket I love and thought was sturdy that they've already managed to ruin by climbing on it and stuff.

Anyway, the orange set would look nice with purple walls! Or something in light green would look cool with purple too.

At 5:55 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Ah-ha! So Theresa's secret is revealed! She eats whatever she wants and still has the nerve to complain, LOL. Shame on you, Theresa, shame on you! Making me feel guilty like that. I could probably gain 20 lbs in like a week if I ate whatever I wanted.

At 9:35 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Shame on you, Theresa, shame on you! Making me feel guilty like that.

_hangs head in shame_

I know I know. People like me lay guilt trips on people like you because we don't know how to do the restraint thing. I think in my case it's because I never had to worry about what I ate until I had kids. And I go nuts because I know women who don't work out, who eat as much as I do, and still are stick thin. I want it all!!!!

Besides, I do exercise like crazy, shouldn't that count for something?

At 10:30 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

Exercise, oddly, makes it harder for some women (like me) to lose weight. I usually do it most when I'm at the weight I want to be, then it helps keep my weight steady. But if I'm trying to take off a few pounds, I think I exercise less because exercise increases my appetite a lot, and I find it easier to cut down of food intake to lose the weight, then pick up on the working out again once I'm at the weight I want.

At 10:32 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

There was a study, by the way, that showed that women have a much harder time losing weight with exercise than men do. Probably because our bodies are hardwired to hold onto body fat for birthing babies and such, so when we work out more our appetite tries to make us get rid of that calorie deficit by eating more.

At 10:38 AM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Hmmmm....food for thought. Ooops, I mentioned food.

You might have a point though. I've been sick so I've been unable to work out like normal, and I lost 3 pounds. Go figure. I think it was a good break for my body. But maybe you're right, my apetite does get stimulated by the exercise, so maybe I should focus on dieting more.

Worth a shot.

At 11:36 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

I hope it works for you, Theresa!

The other thing that really pisses me off about working out is that if I build up muscle tone in any specific spot, and then slack off and lose that muscle tone, that spot where it used to be gets flabby in a way that it never was before! Argh! So I actually try not to get too toned anywhere, because I know I'll just end up slacking off later and find myself with a whole new flab zone. Flabby knees or something, knowing my luck.

At 1:04 PM, Anonymous Theresa said...

Do men have all these problems? Probably not. Makes me want to kill them all.

Actually I want to kill all the Hollywood actresses who lose all the baby weight 3 weeks after delivery. What drugs are these women using?

At 8:27 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

LOL, actually, I know a few men who have the very problem you're talking about with having great metabolism early on and then a problem with discipline later when the metabolism drops.

I think Hollywood actresses probably could end up looking small quickly partly because they started out so super-skinny to begin with. But I've seen photos of some who didn't take off the weight right away but had to work like crazy to lose it in a reasonable amount of time.

At 10:46 PM, Anonymous Feather man said...

I have been thumbing through the net for awhile and it feels similar to chasing rainbows to discover answers. Finally, some progress in finding your blog. I especially enjoyed your most recent post.

Wishing you the best of luck,
clean a down comforter

At 12:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi ;)
heh... what unbalanced comments!
what do you think about it?


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