#navbar-iframe { display: none !important;} The Naked Page: November 2005

The Naked Page

Author Jamie Sobrato's Diary


Sex Food

I'm ashamed of my lack of blog updating. The weekend trip to San Francisco put me in a tailspin. Busyness, sick kids, then sick me, and now I'm thrust back into real life with many deadlines hanging overhead and a husband out of town. Bleh!

But Thanksgiving dinner made me think about how certain foods are sexy. I know, I'm a total perve. It's supposed to be all about family and giving thanks, and I'm thinking about how oyster stuffing turns me on.

Why is that? I mean, sure, eating is a sensual experience, and sex is a sensual experience, but only some people respond to food the way I'm thinking of. Remember that episode of Seinfeld when George became obsessed with the idea of having sex while eating? I recall a sex scene involving a sub sandwhich. Okay, that's not sexy, I know.

But still, the point remains. To me, oysters, especially fried ones, are really sexy. They're even one of those foods rumored to be an aphrodesiac. I personally think any food you can eat with your fingers can be sexy, simply because you can feed it to another person, lick your fingers, lick their fingers, etc.

Am I alone here in all these food equals sex thoughts? What foods do you think are sexy? Or does eating seem about as sexy to you as picking hairs out of your teeth?


Girl Talk Update

In honor of consumerism and the nauseatingly commercial holiday season, Cindy and I have updated our Girl Talk page with the first annual Girl Talk Gift Guide. There you will find lots o' suggestions for great writer gifts--gift ideas you can spout off whenever your husband or your aunt or your grandmother or whoever asks for that inevitable wish list. There are also ideas about what to buy for your editor or agent, should you feel the need to send them something.

Note to my family: no, the Girl Talk Gift Guide does not have anything on it that I want for Christmas. I already own all that stuff. Well, most of it. I don't, for instance, want or need a Swedish masseuse named Sven, but that was Cindy's idea, and you probably can guess by now how she is. Masseuses kind of weird me out.

Note to everyone: I'm taking off this afternoon for a much-needed mini-vacation to San Francisco for the weekend. I'll try to check in sometime, but...is blogging from vacation a little obsessive? Where do I draw the line? Is it okay to update my blog from, say, a beach in Hawaii? (Oh how I'd love to be on a beach in Hawaii right now!) Is it okay to update it from my sister-in-law's house in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner?

Yes, these are the kinds of hard-hitting questions I'm not afraid to ask. Questions you'll only find here.


Thong of the Day

I know, I really need to stop with the thongs. But Melissa says I should skip those dreary Quote of the Day posts and try doing thongs of the day instead. This sounded like a wonderfully innovative idea to me, and it made me laugh, so why not.

But actually, it's kind of hard to find pictures of thongs on the internet that don't have a woman's ass attached to them. I'm all for freedom of expression, even if it includes a naked ass or two, but I'm trying to run a family kind of blog here.

Oh, wait, no I'm not! Sorry, got confused there for a minute. Well, let's just say that since my audience here is mostly women, I didn't think anyone would really appreciate having yet another reminder that Victoria's Secret models have airbrushed-to-perfection butts.

I could post a guy in a thong, but that just seems so...I don't know. So tawdry? So gay porn?

Here's about as racy as I'm going to get with the photo posting. Behold, me in a thong:

Ha! Fooled you, didn't I? Yes, that's my foot. No, that's not dirt on my toe, it's sand. Why is my foot decorated with shells, you ask? I don't know. Why did I take a picture of it? You ask too many questions.


The Thong Blog

Maybe I should change the name of this website. People REALLY seemed to like talking about panties. I mean, wow, I've never gotten such a good response to a post. One mention of thong panties and suddenly the whole world has an opinion. Well, I guess it's because everyone has to wear underwear, so we all have some kind of comment on the subject.

Besides, The Naked Page just sounds like such a typical blog name. Like I'm really trying hard to sound irreverent and literary or something. But The Thong Blog, well, it's simple, and it has a built in theme song. You know, that lame Sisqo tune, The Thong Song.

Here's a direct quote:

"I like it when the beat goes
Duh dun duh
Baby make your booty go
Duh dun duh
Baby I know you wanna show
Duh dun duh
That thong thong thong thong thong"

It goes on and on like that. Someone actually got PAID to write that.

So what do you think? Blog name change? Suggestions? If not thongs, then what? What other subject impassions America like women's panties?


Let Us Extol Its Many Virtues

The many virtues of TV, that is. Theresa says it feeds our creativity. Is that true? I think so. Movies, sitcoms, reality TV, shoot-em-up dramas--they're all a way of examining the human experience through stories. We can learn things about story structure, plot and characterization through even bad TV shows.

Which shows feed our creativity most? I personally find myself most able to examine plot structure (definitely not one of my creative strengths, that plotting thing) while watching action or Sci Fi movies. I don't get emotionally invested in the characters, because there usually isn't much character development, so I start zoning out and considering the plot elements. Same with any other movie that doesn't engage me completely.

It also helps me to watch something several times. Once to get caught up in the story, and the next time to examine it.

What's your favorite TV indulgence? What's your favorite movie? (Mine's Love Actually, because it does such a great job of showing love in its many stages and unconventional forms.)


Seriously Lost

Does anyone have any freaking clue what's really happening on Lost? I mean, I would like to pretend I know what's going on, but I don't! Who are the Others? Why are they so freaky? Why do they steal kids and kill grown-ups? What is that giant mechanical monster thing? What's the deal with the button? And where did that crazy button guy run off to?

So many questions, and no freaking answers! I figured I'd try and study up before this week's episode. So I hop on over to the greatest time sink on the face of the planet, www.televisionwithoutpity.com, and all they have for last week's episode is a damn re-caplet. Not a whole recap. Grrr.

Why does Sayid have to lose his girl like five minutes after they finally get their groove on? How f-ed up is that? Well, it's true she was annoying as hell the whole first season and we kept wishing she'd get eaten by a wild pig, but then they let Sayid fall for her, and I do have a soft spot for him.

So I know there are message forums out there that discuss all the theories about what's happening on Lost. I am afraid to visit them though. I want to know, but I don't want to know.


The Shit List

I could call this Jamie's Index, because it's inspired by Harper's Index (bestiality is legal in 20 states?!?!?), but that sounds so blah:

Number of hours it takes me to write 10 pages: between 2 and 12, depending on the pages

Number of books I've written to date: 14 (counting one I wrote twice)

Number of unfinished manuscripts I have started: countless

Number of books published in the romance genre each year: How the hell should I know? Go ask Romance Writers of America

Age that I was when I sold my first book: 26

Age that I was when I wrote my first book (not the one that sold): 22

Perecentage of people who ask me if I write under a "nom de plume": approximately 25.4 (Huh? I would never use anything called a "nom de plume.")

Number of romance authors it takes to screw in a lightbulb: 20 -- one to hold the bulb and screw it in, one to hold the chair she's standing on, two to critique the work, ten to be offended by the word "screw," and six more to protest angrily that screwing should not take place in the romance genre



The Controversy Rages On

So Cindy says some controversial blogs are annoying. Was she talking about me??? Is my newfound controversial side annoying, or riveting stuff? Could I get any more paranoid? Could I get any more pointless?

I'm going to think of some more controversial stuff, since we can only talk about thongs and Brat Pitt for so long.

Let's see...controversy...hmmmmm....

Controversial Opinion #32: It should be legal to drive naked (so long as you get dressed before exiting the car, and you cover yourself when passing semi trucks and school buses).

Controversial Opinion #10: Desperate Housewives is poorly written but brilliantly sensationalistic (is that a word?).

Controversial Opinion #16: Blogs are the CB radios of the new millenium. Filled with pointless chatter, only occasionally useful.

Controversial Opinion #48: Women dislike Angelina Jolie because we don't have a big-lipped male equivalent to drool over. We're stuck trying to create a composite Angelina-dude, piecing together Johnny Depp's face, The Rock's...oh, never mind. It's just unfair, that's all. Can anyone think of a guy who's as ridiculously perfect looking as Angelina?

Controversial Opinion #30: If you think my naked driving idea is stupid and unsafe, you're thinking about it too hard.


Opinionate Me

A friend (yeah you, Cindy) made a comment that she finds really opinionated blogs interesting. That made me wonder, am I opinionated enough? Maybe not. So today I will work on having some strong opinions--maybe even controversial ones.

Controversial Opinion #1: Rock and Roll is for people who can't dance.

Controversial Opinion #2: Thong underwear are more comfortable than regular ass-covering ones.

Controversial Opinion #3: People who block the left lane should have to sport embarrassing bumper stickers on their cars that say things like "I don't know how to drive--and it shows!"

Controversial Opinion #4: Will and Grace is a really lame TV show.

Controversial Opinion #5: Brad Pitt is no longer sexy since he cheated on Jennifer.

Whew. Was that controversial enough? Probably not. I can't even think of anything good to be controversial about. (Though I do expect to get some angry letters over the thong comment...I say, if you don't like thongs, go commando! Panty lines are just WRONG.)


Dear Romance Writer Girl

A friend (hi you-know-who) wrote to me recently and asked how is it that we come up with enough scenes to fill a whole book. She's been having trouble finishing her projects because they seem to stall out somewhere short of a complete novel.

I've suffered through this exact same problem, and it's one of the many reasons having written a book is much more fun than actually writing one.

The solution isn't easy, but there is a solution (and no, it's not giving up writing and becoming a used car salesgirl). Stalling out generally means there's something missing, and you have to go back to your story premise to figure out what it is. You need to make sure your characters have sufficient goals, motivations and conflicts to carry the story. Once you've got that settled, you can decide what scenes need to be added (or lengthened) to illustrate what was missing before.

Example: I wrote a book last year during a stressful time (when I wasn't thinking all that clearly), and for the life of me I could not get the book to come out at the length I needed it to be. I knew something was missing, but in my stressed-out haze couldn't figure out what it was. It took my brilliant editor reading the story to notice that, um, Jamie, the heroine doesnt have any goals.

Well, duh. It seems like such an obvious thing. The hero had goals, and the heroine had conflicts with him, but her lack of goals left her as sort of a bystander in the story. She didn't have any reasons to move forward. She was just there letting me tell her what to do. So I revised the story, and it came out much stronger--and longer--than before.


Writer Interrupted

I should calculate the number of interruptions I have during any given writing session, but I'm afraid it would be too depressing. I have a process for getting started writing, which includes checking my email, answering any messages that I can answer quickly, checking the news online to see if there are any new headlines, then checking my favorite blogs. Then I check email one more time. Once all that is done, I can get started.

It's my process. Don't question it.

But every time I am interrupted, I have to go through the process all over again. Check email. Answer email. Check news. Check blogs. Check email again. Start writing.

It's a miracle I get any books written at all. I should probably work on shortening my process.


Quote of the Day and Stuff

Yeah yeah, we're back to the quote of the day again. Give me a break--I've got a cold, and I just fried my brain doing a final read-through of the galleys of my March 06 book, Once Upon a Seduction.

And this is one of my all-time favorite quotes:

A life without purpose is a languid, drifting thing; Every day we ought to review our purpose, saying to ourselves: This day let me make a sound beginning, for what we have hitherto done is naught!- -- Thomas A. Kempis

Ahhh, Thomas. Wiser words have not been spoken.

Any Way You Want Me has been on the shelves for days, and I still haven't sent out my website newsletter. I also sent website updates to my web mistress a week ago, and they're not up yet. So that's my excuse--I'm waiting on the web updates so I can announce them in my newsletter.

Believe it or not, I'm actually going to replace those musty old photos on my bio page with some new-ish ones. Now if I could just get around to rewriting that cheesy old bio.

Actually, I've been thinking about doing a whole website revamp. But I wonder if I should go with more of a blog format or stick with my current format, with the blog as just a page of the site. I really like the colors of my current site, so that won't change. Decisions like this make my brain hurt, and it all sounds like a lot of work for someone who's getting a little late in finishing her new proposals.


That New Computer Smell

Ah, yes, it's just as intoxicating as new car smell, if you're a gadget geek like me. What? You didn't notice new computers have their own scent? They do! It's that same plastic smell that eminates from a room full of computers that have been running for a while, only in this case, it's fresh, distilled, new from the box.

You guessed it--my new pretty laptop arrived yesterday, and I'm composing my first blog post from its diminutive keyboard. So far, so good.